i realized after our yes/no exercise that with my ex-b... when i was saying 'yes' i actually meant 'no' and other-way around. i managed today to say 'no' when i mean 'no' and the funny things is that it feels like says 'yes'. may be because i finally said 'yes' to my own wish. again this hidden stuff. i was wondering if this yes/no exercise made me realize this unconsciously. i would love to do it again.
:)
panic attacks
i just found this photo in our file, i didn't remember to have seen it at all.
the system that creates panic attacks and then creates products to fight the panic attack. like a snake that bites itself into the tail.
here is the photo.
madness, hysteria, trauma
i have been watching last week john hustons film- freud: the secret passion. not that it is a great film, as such. but it made me think about traumas, as some kind of physical manifestation of aggression. the rational protection mechanisms hide the actual fact of aggression and what freud did or was trying with psychoanalysis was to uncover the actual cruelty of aggressive act. he asked his patients to go through it again without covering it up. our rational brain and also rational culture can not accept 'the madness' as a real manifestation of aggression. we are afraid of this state of mind, because we can not understand it. therefore covering our own disability of not understanding it we put the problem outside of us, again protection- it's not me who can not understand this, it is the other, who behaves strange. even if this other is myself, we discriminate it, because it doesn't deliver a clear message-, but just a collection of strange sounds and alogical behavior. and on another hand may be we are afraid to have an attempt to understand this 'other', as then we would be confronted with our own feelings of guilt.
the 'madness' is manifestation of taboos, - i think of bataille. and i think of artoud again- who puts different states of mind on an equal importance. he doesn't put the rational over irrational, as well as other-way around.
when i think about my family - earlier i was always mad about how many hysterical scenes we had at home and lot's of dramas.while being in the west i was ashamed of my family, because i thought we couldn't deal with problems in rational ways. yet, now my opinion about it has changed- i think the most important think that my family gave me was this- taking seriously the 'madness', as manifestation of the pain in myself. i don't think anybody was conscious about it, but this helped us to stay vulnerable and honest to ourselves in times of a huge lies in the society. even if financially we were not realized and repressed by the system, emotionally we survived through the times of lies. there was a gerogian philosopher merab mamardashvili http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merab_Mamardashvili
he wrote somewhere- i say it with my words- that the only possibility to stay normal within soviet lies is actually be 'mad'. which i read like, being 'mad' is a state in which you at least resist the system and the lies. so it is another argument of resisting the 'take it easy' approach. when a child is crying hysterically - the worst thing you can do to him, i think is - ignore his state of hysteria, he will learn to deal with his yelling that he can not reach by that anything from his parents, but he will also learn to repress his own pain. the only thing you can do as a parent is take it seriously, give it time to calm down and give the feeling of trust to the person that he will be heard. - he can do it. and not 'don't cry baby, nothing happened really blabla. there is always a reason and this reason has to be named in order to overcome it.
to be continued
:)
the 'madness' is manifestation of taboos, - i think of bataille. and i think of artoud again- who puts different states of mind on an equal importance. he doesn't put the rational over irrational, as well as other-way around.
when i think about my family - earlier i was always mad about how many hysterical scenes we had at home and lot's of dramas.while being in the west i was ashamed of my family, because i thought we couldn't deal with problems in rational ways. yet, now my opinion about it has changed- i think the most important think that my family gave me was this- taking seriously the 'madness', as manifestation of the pain in myself. i don't think anybody was conscious about it, but this helped us to stay vulnerable and honest to ourselves in times of a huge lies in the society. even if financially we were not realized and repressed by the system, emotionally we survived through the times of lies. there was a gerogian philosopher merab mamardashvili http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merab_Mamardashvili
he wrote somewhere- i say it with my words- that the only possibility to stay normal within soviet lies is actually be 'mad'. which i read like, being 'mad' is a state in which you at least resist the system and the lies. so it is another argument of resisting the 'take it easy' approach. when a child is crying hysterically - the worst thing you can do to him, i think is - ignore his state of hysteria, he will learn to deal with his yelling that he can not reach by that anything from his parents, but he will also learn to repress his own pain. the only thing you can do as a parent is take it seriously, give it time to calm down and give the feeling of trust to the person that he will be heard. - he can do it. and not 'don't cry baby, nothing happened really blabla. there is always a reason and this reason has to be named in order to overcome it.
to be continued
:)
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